Seeking Imperfection

I got a little sidetracked with my Thursday lists. This post was orginally started in October! So there's a couple of "dated" ideas on here, but I still like them!! Hopefully I'll be "good" about keeping up with my lists this year. :)


I actually tried some of these for dinner in October.

What a cute kid's gift idea!

I love the idea of this rainy day closet.

Glue Batik looks so cool - I want to try it sometime.

I wanted to make this for Thanksgiving breakfast, but wasn't that organized. Maybe next year.

Another link a little late, but still fun to look at. The I can make it party.

These marshmallow treats and these look cool!

I'd like to remember this for next year - eggnog pie!

Last year around this time, I was reading this book about what Flylady calls "Body Clutter." The book really spoke to me. I realized I have a lot of body clutter. I also realized for the first time just how much my all or nothing perfectionist attitude was hurting me. I realized that I needed to try and work on the perfectionism. To learn to let go, and to learn that sometimes good enough is good enough.

Around the same time, I discovered blogs for the first time. I stumbled across Boo Mama's Tour of Homes and was immediately enthralled. I soon began to think that I wanted a blog too. I began to think that maybe I could blog about my goal of trying to curb my perfectionism. And so I began to blog.

2008 then did not turn out at all as expected. In fact, it turned out to be a pretty sucky year, one that I was very excited to see leave at midnight on December 31st. Now I will admit that buying my first home was a wonderful thing, and I also managed to graduate from grad school and finally get my teacher's license, and those are wonderful things that 2008 gave me. However, there was so much struggle in 2008 - I'm ready to stop struggling. I'm tired.

I'm not very good at resolutions. I often feel like I'm setting myself up to fail, probably because almost every year of my life I've wanted it to be the year that "I lose weight." I've struggled with my weight my whole life, and so that's always the resolution. But that isn't really a resolution. That's kind of just a demand I'm putting on myself when I look at it - one that I then tell myself that I've "failed" at. So this year I'm not going to resolve.

Last year I came across some blogs that talked about learning new skills or setting goals for the new year. I like that idea much better. I thought that this year I might actually try and make some of the recipes I tend to collect but never do anything with. I thought about setting a goal of creating one new recipe a week to take part in my friends' venture. But I am pretty sure that I won't actually do one a week, and that is again setting myself up for failure. So if I'm more honest, I think maybe I just need to try to do some at all. Maybe one a month?

I also decided that what I really need to do this year is to forgive myself more, and give myself permission to fail. I think part of why it is hard for me to try new things, (although I really do enjoy learning) is I'm afraid of failing at them. I often tell myself that if I'm not perfect at it right away, not a "natural" at it, that I shouldn't do it. So I decided this year I need to try to work on easing up on myself a little. Give myself permission to try and fail, and then try again.

I came across Ali's One Little Word concept for a new year. Basically, you pick one word to inspire you for the year. I, of course, came up with a list of several, and have had a hard time narrowing it down. Enjoy, Relax, Breathe, Simplify, Release, Median, Allow, Home, Grow, Mindful, Moment, Dare, and Focus all made my list.

I finally decided to choose Good. I thought it fit in with curbing my perfectionism - learning that sometimes good enough is good enough. Also, I want to be good to myself and take good care of myself. I want to look for the good in others and take time to enjoy the good things in life. 2008 was a sucky year, and overall I'm hoping that 2009 will be a good one. It doesn't have to be perfect, wonderful or great.

Right now, I'll just be happy with good.

I paid my first mortgage payment today. I'm excited to be able to have made the first payment - due January 1st, of course. Happy New Year. LOL

I'm excited that 2008 is almost over. It has been a very challenging year, and I'm looking forward to starting the next chapter in my life, as a home owner.

I know the next year is bound to be full of challenging times as well, but it is an amazing feeling knowing that I was able to get us to this point.

I realized the other day that I should be proud of me. I don't often let myself be proud of myself or my accomplishments, but this feels like a big one, and maybe I should acknowledge that I did a good job.

Now who wants to help me unpack???

I haven't meant to be on hiatus for the last month. The last month has just been very crazy. We've only been actually living in our new house (meaning mattresses in and we are sleeping here) for a little over a week. Before that we were half here and half at my in-laws, while we painted and whatnot here. Living in two places can be a little overwhelming. Add into that painting, turning utilities on, emptying a POD, having a POD picked up (this morning - yay!), buying appliances, having appliances delivered, having plumber come to install appliances, having someone come out to figure out why the gas is on but there's no heat, an ice storm that knocks your power out for 24 hours, an IEP to write, all kinds of craziness at work, Christmas shopping, a sick 3 year old who is having trouble sleeping through the night, and getting a cold, and possibly some little other things I'm forgetting, well, sometimes you don't get a chance to blog.

I'm hoping that after Christmas I'll be able to set up my computer, take some time uploading photos, get the boxes unpacked, and be able to blog again. I also wanted to mention that for the past six months I've been checking on all of your blogs using a loaner Mac laptop. I am not used to Macs, and for some reason I am unable to comment on some of your blogs. I have no idea why. One of my favorite blogs won't even load correctly. So anyway, I'm hoping to get back to as normal as I ever am soon. Thank you for your well wishes on my new home. I hope you are all enjoying a wonderful holiday season.

Well, as of about 11:30 this morning, I am officially a home owner!!!

We had planned to go for a final walk through with the real estate agent before the closing. First, we had to stop at the bank to get a certified check for the closing costs. When we got back in the car, Roland looked at me and said, "let's go home." He turned on the radio, and the song that was playing was, "There's No Place Like Home For The Holidays." Roland and I couldn't believe it. I decided that must be a good sign.

We went over to the house and waited for our agent. While we were waiting, he called my cell phone and told us that the selling agents had supposedly left us a key, maybe in the mailbox, or taped inside the front door. So we looked, but couldn't find a key. Our agent showed up, and we all searched for the key, but no one could find it! Our agent called the selling agent, and would you believe the selling agents couldn't find a key??? Apparently they'd gone over to check the fire alarms and whatnot, and had duct taped the key to the inside of the screen door when they left, but when we got there there was duct tape, but no key. No one from the seller's office could seem to find a key. They gave our real estate agent a key code for us to go have one made! So after closing, we had to go to two different places to find a place that could make us a key, then we got to go to our house.

Late this afternoon we took Paige over. We told her we were going to see a surprise. When we pulled in the driveway, she said, "Who's house is this?" and we told her it was ours, and she said, "no way!" :)

I am so happy to have finally been able to bring my baby home. :)

Today my therapist said I'm starting to show signs of stress. Ha, you think? She said I need to really listen to my body, and that when the house stuff finally ends, I'm really going to crash. Woo Hoo. My body wants to sleep all the time right now, as I'm not sleeping really well at night and I'm just worn out from all of the stress.

The good news is that there was no school today due to Veteran's Day. It was a nice little break in the week, even though it was weird to have school for one day, and then have a day off. I'm going to be messed up for the rest of the week. :) Michelle and I took Paige to Old Navy and got her a new winter coat, hat, and mittens. She has a coat in the POD, but I'm not sure if it'll fit her at this point. She was excited because I found a red coat, and red is her favorite color. They are having a sale on their outerwear right now, so the coat was half off. That makes Paige's mom excited. :) Last year we waited until actual winter to look for gloves/mittens for her and we couldn't find any. So we wanted to make sure to get on that right away for her. She looked so cute bundled up.

Then we went to lunch at Chili's. She told me she needed to use the potty, which didn't surprise me as she's in the "I need to check out every public restroom I come across" stage, but I was excited that she actually used the potty when we got in there. Usually she just kind of visits it. We are a little behind in potty training - she totally gets it, but refuses to do it. I think it is because her life is so out of control right now. The doctor told me at her check up in June that she wasn't worried, as it is something Paige has control of when everything else is out of control. I'm hoping she'll be happy enough in a new home soon to use the potty all the time. Today she was happy enough to annouce loudly to the dining population of Chili's that she'd used the potty, so that's a start.

I liked the baked french toast. Paige took a nibble, but that's all she'd eat. She told me she liked making it better than eating it. Roland ate a piece, but I don't think he was all that excited by it. Michelle didn't really like it, but I wasn't really expecting her to, as she doesn't like eggs, and the bread had to sit in the "custard" overnight. I'm not really that versed in custard, but I guess the fact that the recipe used three eggs made it too eggy. Oh well. Roland said he thought that my grandparents would like it - probably because it had kind of a bread pudding consistancy out of the oven. I had a leftover piece this morning and liked it better today, as it had kind of set.

In parting, I ask, anyone have any good, simple stress relievers they'd like to suggest?

Well, after the 24th, we were on for a short period of time on the 31st. Then we were delayed again, but it looks like we might actually be on for this upcoming week. I am trying to be "cautiously optimistic" at this point. I would really like to be able to move before we are moving in snow!

Work has been VERY stressful, and home has been VERY stressful. I am exhausted from the emotional roller coaster I've been riding for the last few weeks.

In other news, I'm trying to learn how to make better use of my time by scheduling activities that I want to do and/or need to do. I've always been a bit resistant to calendars and scheduling systems, thinking they'd make me dull and would suck any spontaneity out of my life. However, I'm also learning more and more that the things I'd like to do "someday" will never actually get done if I don't determine when "someday" is. This week, I scheduled in time to make a recipe I've been wanting to try - baked French Toast. Paige, Michelle and I made it tonight and it sits in the refrigerator until tomorrow morning, then we'll see how it is. I like a breakfast recipe that I can make on Saturday night when I am coherent, and not have to try to figure out in the morning, when I'm not. If this works out, I might have to look for other recipes like it. Suggestions are always welcome. :)

Next thing to schedule is some time to play around with moving photos from my new camera onto the computer and sizing them, so that I can go back to posting pictures from all of my Unplugged Projects, Halloween, etc. I did much better with pictures when I could just stick the photo card in the computer and access all of my pictures. For some reason it seems much more time consuming to get the cord to hook the camera to the computer, and then to have to resize the pictures to post them here. I think maybe I just need to dedicate some time to it.