Seeking Imperfection

Last year around this time, I was reading this book about what Flylady calls "Body Clutter." The book really spoke to me. I realized I have a lot of body clutter. I also realized for the first time just how much my all or nothing perfectionist attitude was hurting me. I realized that I needed to try and work on the perfectionism. To learn to let go, and to learn that sometimes good enough is good enough.

Around the same time, I discovered blogs for the first time. I stumbled across Boo Mama's Tour of Homes and was immediately enthralled. I soon began to think that I wanted a blog too. I began to think that maybe I could blog about my goal of trying to curb my perfectionism. And so I began to blog.

2008 then did not turn out at all as expected. In fact, it turned out to be a pretty sucky year, one that I was very excited to see leave at midnight on December 31st. Now I will admit that buying my first home was a wonderful thing, and I also managed to graduate from grad school and finally get my teacher's license, and those are wonderful things that 2008 gave me. However, there was so much struggle in 2008 - I'm ready to stop struggling. I'm tired.

I'm not very good at resolutions. I often feel like I'm setting myself up to fail, probably because almost every year of my life I've wanted it to be the year that "I lose weight." I've struggled with my weight my whole life, and so that's always the resolution. But that isn't really a resolution. That's kind of just a demand I'm putting on myself when I look at it - one that I then tell myself that I've "failed" at. So this year I'm not going to resolve.

Last year I came across some blogs that talked about learning new skills or setting goals for the new year. I like that idea much better. I thought that this year I might actually try and make some of the recipes I tend to collect but never do anything with. I thought about setting a goal of creating one new recipe a week to take part in my friends' venture. But I am pretty sure that I won't actually do one a week, and that is again setting myself up for failure. So if I'm more honest, I think maybe I just need to try to do some at all. Maybe one a month?

I also decided that what I really need to do this year is to forgive myself more, and give myself permission to fail. I think part of why it is hard for me to try new things, (although I really do enjoy learning) is I'm afraid of failing at them. I often tell myself that if I'm not perfect at it right away, not a "natural" at it, that I shouldn't do it. So I decided this year I need to try to work on easing up on myself a little. Give myself permission to try and fail, and then try again.

I came across Ali's One Little Word concept for a new year. Basically, you pick one word to inspire you for the year. I, of course, came up with a list of several, and have had a hard time narrowing it down. Enjoy, Relax, Breathe, Simplify, Release, Median, Allow, Home, Grow, Mindful, Moment, Dare, and Focus all made my list.

I finally decided to choose Good. I thought it fit in with curbing my perfectionism - learning that sometimes good enough is good enough. Also, I want to be good to myself and take good care of myself. I want to look for the good in others and take time to enjoy the good things in life. 2008 was a sucky year, and overall I'm hoping that 2009 will be a good one. It doesn't have to be perfect, wonderful or great.

Right now, I'll just be happy with good.