Seeking Imperfection

On March 24, 2011, two weeks early, we welcomed a new member to our family, Kaden Alexander. He came fast and furious - I started having contractions at home around 2:30 in the afternoon. I had a scheduled OBG appointment at 4:30, so my friend took me, even though the contractions were getting worse. At that point I was already 5 cm dilated, and the doctor sent me on to the hospital. I got there around 5:45, and Kaden was born at 7:37 pm. I barely got my epidural - at a little after 7, so that helped a little at the end, but most of the labor was painful and intense, and a little scarey since it was all happening so fast.

Not long after Kaden was born, Roland called his mother, who had Paige, to tell them he was here. The first thing Paige said was, "Can I talk to him?" So we put her on speaker phone and she told him she loved him, and he turned and cried at the phone a little. It was so cute. She also told me she loved me and to "get good rest Momma," which made all the hospital staff in the room say, "awww..." :)

When we were trying to find a name for him, Paige only liked two of our choices, and Kaden was one of them (I have since found out it was her 2nd favorite though!) She'd asked me randomly once if we could name the baby Alexander. Roland didn't really like it, but every once in awhile Paige would ask me again, and tell me that Daddy could "just get used to it." LOL So in the hospital, Roland suggested Kaden Alexander for the name - and Paige was thrilled when she found out.



The next day Paige came to meet him. She's doing really well becoming a big sister - much better than I thought she would. She doesn't like it when he's crying and I can't get him to stop, or when she's got my full attention and I have to go check on him, but for the most part she seems happy with her new brother. She's learned how to make a bottle and helps pick out his clothes, etc. So far, so good. :)

So, two weeks into this we are doing ok becoming a family of 4...or 5, since "Aunt Michelle" lives with us too. :)

So apparently I'm terrible at blogging. Lurking and reading blogs, I'm great at. Writing my own, not so great. Oh well.

Not too much new here - I'm still pregnant. I'll be 30 weeks this Thursday. It's a boy! We were all hoping for another girl, (especially Paige), but we are getting used to the idea of having a little guy join us in a matter of weeks now. He is much "rougher" than I remember Paige being - kind of like being pregnant with the karate kid. He's always moving, and sometimes his kicks are almost painful. But at least I know he must be doing ok in there!

I'm still unemployed, and can't imagine finding a teaching job in January at 7 months pregnant, so although I keep looking, I'm not expecting much right now. I've started to think that for whatever reason, having this baby is what I'm meant to be doing right now, and the job will come after he does.

Paige is very excited (and a little scared) because she has her first loose tooth. She has been telling everyone she meets about it. :) Her birthday is next week and she'll be 6. I can't believe it.

The other thing going on lately is we are getting a ton of snow. Paige has already had 4 snow days in the last two weeks, and there's more snow in the forecast for this week. Yesterday morning we woke to negative temps, and her school called mid-morning to say the boiler wasn't working and they had no heat there. They were able to take care of the kids, but it is just showing how brutal this winter is. I'm so grateful that I have a home with heat and a roof over my head, warm clothes, a warm bed, and food to eat. I keep thinking how difficult it must be to survive in this weather if you don't have those basic things.



We got Paige a kid's sized shovel - turns out it's been great for this winter. She was excited to "help out." :)

Dear Blog:

I didn't really mean to abandon you for over three months. Life just got in the way, and I got a little depressed toward the end of the summer.

We had a big "surprise" in our household - I am pregnant with baby #2! We did not plan to have another child, and that coupled with the fact that I am still out of work kind of put me into a depression. I got very worried that a) I have no job, so money is extra tight, b) that I don't know when or how I'm going to get a teaching job when I'm going to need to go out on maternity leave, and c) I had (and still do have) all kinds of worries about being able to love this baby as much as I love Paige, and being able to find time for both of them.

So here we are now in November. I'm 17 weeks pregnant and have an appointment in three weeks to find out the sex of the baby. Paige (and her parents, to be honest) are hoping for a girl. I asked Paige if she would love the baby even if it was a boy, and she said, "I'll think about it." :)

I am feeling a little better about the baby coming...Roland and I always said that we wouldn't try for another, but if one came, it was "meant to be," so I keep telling myself it's meant to be. I'm still freaking out about money and not having a job and having time and energy for all of this as I'm no spring chicken, but I'm still trying to learn to take this one day at a time.

And to end on a happy note, here's Miss Paige as Rapunzel:



I love this picture, but I couldn't totally crop that guy on tv out of it...I'm going to have to get Roland to edit it.

Happy Belated Halloween!

Thank you for your nice comments on my last post. And thanks to Ashley for the kick in the pants and the reminder that it has been over a week since my last post, and it is time to get on with the therapeutic writing.

So here I am. I still don't have a job. It is a bad time of year to look for a teaching job. I am running out of things to apply for. I turned 37 on the 22nd, and at least I got to have my birthday off. :) Paige is turning 5 next week, and I can't believe it. Life goes on.

I am learning about myself. I am learning that I am not good with long periods of "free" time. I may not love getting up to go to work every day, but I need the routine and the schedule of it all to know what I'm "supposed" to be doing. I've realized that sometimes I even have a hard time with weekends because there is no schedule. So now I'm trying to figure out how to make a routine for myself when I'm home all the time. I'm trying to find all of those "if I only had time" projects, and get working on them, but it is still a process.

Ali Edwards has done a cool little One Little Word project for the past few years. You pick one word to focus on for the year. Last year I chose "good" but forgot about the whole process half way through the year. This year the word that popped right into my head is "try." I find I'm often afraid to try. I read a lot of blogs and books, I see projects I think I can do, but I don't try them. I am having a hard time learning to take one day at a time now, and I keep reminding myself just to "try." You get the idea.

I thought about seeing if I could try one new thing each week. I thought about a new thing each day, but that's surely setting myself up to fail. I don't even know if I can do one thing a week, but I can "try."

One thing I am trying this year is the old Project 365, taking one picture a day. I have been afraid to try this one as I've been afraid I'd beat myself up a lot if I forgot to take a picture. So far I've missed two days, and I'm trying to just let it go. Actually, one day I forgot, and on the day I lost Fidget, I was too sad. I had a gift certificate to Amazon and I ordered Project Life from Becky Higgins. I'm excited to get it. I'm going to try to get myself on some sort of schedule with it so that I still do it when I go back to work.

Here's the picture I took for January 2nd, playing with Paige in her room.



And then of course Paige needed to take one too.



And here's Fidget on January 4th.



Most of January's pictures are still on the camera. I'll have to try and upload them soon.

I've discovered that when I'm stressed or unhappy, that I don't like to post much. I've also discovered that the longer you go without posting, the harder it is to get back into it again.

Therefore I'm sure you can tell that I've been a bit stressed the last few months. I was having a hard time at work with a very critical, sarcastic supervisor, who kept belittling me, and who was doing a number on my very small amount of self confidence. Nothing I ever did was good enough, and I started feeling like I was losing ground on trying to lose the perfectionist tendencies because of it. Then in what is probably a blessing in disguise, I found out in December that I was being laid off. My last day was December 23rd. So, that coupled with the holiday season meant I was a feeling a little (ok, a lot) stressed and depressed and just a little crazy.

Trying to get signed up for unemployment was another stress - there are so many people out of work right now, I couldn't even get through to file my claim. When I finally did, they said, "why didn't you call sooner?" Grr... and then told me it would be 4-6 weeks to file the claim! So, now I'm looking for a job and I've been on a few interviews, but I'm running out of things to apply for.

To top it all off, I took my 14 year old cat to the vet last week because she was not acting right...turns out she'd had renal failure, and the most humane thing to do was to put her to sleep. I've had her longer than my husband and daughter, so it's been very hard to lose one of my best friends.

So, that's my sob story. I've been telling myself that it might be therapeutic to do some blogging, so now that I've made the first step back, maybe I can do some more soon.

Thanks for "listening."

I wanted to post this last week, but last week was crazy. I suppose a Mother post is ok for Mother's Day though, huh?

Last Friday when I got home from work, I got out of the car and looked around. There were dandylions everywhere. My first thought? "Look at all the dandies! Paige will be so excited to pick them!"





Paige spends most Friday nights at Grandma's, and then Grandma takes her to dance class Saturday morning. So Paige didn't see all the dandies that afternoon.

The next day, Saturday, was a "watch day" at Paige's dance school. After watching Paige's class, we were getting ready to leave when the next class was lining up to go in. One of the girls in the line for the next class had a dandylion, and I thought, "that's so cute, she brought that in for the teacher." The teacher oohed and aahed and told the little girl how beautiful it was. Her mother then looked at the teacher and told her, "She tried to give it to me. I told her it was a weed and to throw it away. So she said she was going to give it to you."

Maybe I was experiencing some PMS, but I started to feel very sad about this. Didn't everyone know that when little kids pick dandylions for you, you take them, say how beautiful they are, and when the kids aren't looking, then you toss them? Isn't that just what you do?? Somehow this lady didn't get what I thought was one of the unwritten rules of parenthood.

Later, as Roland and I were out running errands, I asked him, "what does this say about me as a mother?" and told him the story. In response he produced a couple of wilted dandylions from his side of the car and told me Paige had given them to him. To which I said, "that's right! When your child gives them to you, you keep them, and then throw them away later. That's just what you do!"

I find it sad that the mother of that little girl didn't appreciate the thought behind the "weed." But maybe that's just me.

Sometimes being imperfect is just plain fun. As a perfectionist, this is hard for me to accept, but I must. My daughter, for one, seems to love my imperfect ideas more than my "perfect" ones.

One day, over a year ago, Roland and I needed to run out and do an errand unexpectedly in the early evening. Paige was already in her pajamas, and was saying something about how could we go out when she was in her jammies already. So, I started using my excited Momma voice, and told her she was going to do something extra special - go on a "jammie car ride!" Paige thought this was the coolest thing, and asks to go on jammie car rides all the time. As she's not in school yet and spends the day with my mother-in-law, it even works out when she wants to go on a "jammie car ride" every morning.



One of Paige's other favorite activities came from a moment of frustration on my part. Before we moved, our house was always very disorganized and chaotic (working on this in the new house). One day, when trying to get us ready and out the door, I was going through piles of laundry and could not find two matching socks for her to save my life. So, I finally grabbed two random socks, and told Paige it was "silly sock day." She LOVED it! Along with being a perfectionist, I can be a bit OCD, and it did bug me a little that the socks didn't match, but it was bugging me more that we needed to get out of the house. From then on, we had many silly sock days.


Oddly enough, since we've moved, Paige has always had matching socks, and I haven't really thought of silly sock day. The other day when we were getting ready to go outside, she asked if we could have silly sock day, and before I knew it, she was purposely unballing (I think I just made that word up) two different sets of socks, and picked one from each. She was thrilled to do silly sock day again, and asked me again this morning if I could put on silly socks with her jammies as she got ready to go to Grandma's.

Apparently sometimes being perfect and having matching socks isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I'm falling back into my perfectionist ways.

If I don't feel like I have anything "interesting" to post (which is most of the time), I don't post.

If I don't feel like I can get a post written the way I want it to be (interesting with just the right amount of wit, of course), I don't post.

If I don't have a chance to get the picture just right for the post, I don't post. (Case in point, I have had a post in draft for a couple of weeks waiting for me to get around to putting in a picture.)

If I'm exhausted (which has been the case lately) or lazy or bored or any number of other things, I read all kinds of blogs, but I don't post.

Needless to say, I'm not posting. I'm in a perfectionist rut, and I need help to get out. My motto for my students and my daughter is that what is important is "the process, not the product."

Now if only I could figure out how to practice what I preach.

I know things have been a bit slow around here lately. Heck, things have more or less ground to a halt.

Well, I'm still alive - just finished a hellish week. Some sort of stomach bug came into my classroom last week, and took out almost all of the staff and students, and then we all brought it home to our families. So it has been a wonderful week full of unhappy stomachs around here, which cut into my desire to post, and wiped out plans for fun things like Unplugged Projects.

We've also had some sleeping issues with Paige - among the nightmares and night terrors she was already experiencing, she now seems terrified to go to bed, and we've had several nights with screaming and general unhappiness that ends up with a completely tired household. I called her pediatrician on Friday and they referred me to the Children's Hospital's sleep clinic. She now has an appointment in May. I'm kind of hoping things will just settle down and I can cancel the appointment. Although, realistically, we'll probably be a family of insomniacs by May.

Hopefully things will start to pick up around here as our tummies go back to normal.

Ok, I'm more than a day late and a dollar short here, but I thought this Making Friends Monday This or That Game sounded like fun, and it gave me something to try and jog this bloggy writer's block, so here goes nothing:


1. jog or walk: walk
2. coffee or tea: tea
3. pepsi or coca cola: Coke!!! (I have my husband to thank for that one.)
4. flats or heels: flats
5. fries or onion rings: fries (especially if they are from McDonalds. :)
6. cats or dogs: cats
7. skim or whole: skim
8. small purses or large: small
9. van or suv: Do I have to pick one? I've never driven either, so I have no idea - I do like the look of the SUVs better, if that counts for anything...
10. winter or summer: winter
11. 1 piece bathing suit or 2: 1!!!
12. sit down restaurant or fast food: sit down
13. McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
14. White Gold or Yellow: Um, I'm not sure what the difference is? Guess I don't own a lot of gold...
15. Fish or Chicken: Chicken
16. Edward or Jacob: Jacob
17. Pizza or Burger: Pizza
18. apple or orange: orange
19. Spend or save: save
20. 1 story or 2 story house: 2 story

I have been in a bit of a funk lately. I tend to get seasonal depression, and I think that might be playing a role in it. I am also feeling a little burnt out, and blah.

I tend to not know what to blog about - always thinking I need some big, wonderful thing to blog about, even though I've got that cute little "Blog Guilt Free" icon over there on the right. The point of that little button, if I remember correctly, is to remind me to blog for me, about what interests me.

So today I bring you a little post about Cotton Candy Body Spray .

Last Thursday, I kept thinking I smelled cotton candy in my classroom. I kept smelling it all day, and I couldn't figure out why. Finally, when one of the nurses walked by, I realized it must be her, and it was! She had a cotton candy fragrance on, and gave me a squirt of it. Oddly enough, I spent the rest of the day sniffing my wrists and feeling happy. (Boy, it doesn't take much to make me happy, does it?)

Anyway, on Friday I asked her what kind it was again, because I thought I might like to buy some, and she gave hers to me! I was so excited. I am not normally a "scent" person, but I kept spritzing myself this weekend and feeling happy.

While looking for an image of the Cotton Candy Body Fantasy stuff, I noticed that they have other products with the same scent. I might have to go to the drugstore and indulge. Wow, I'm getting wild in my old age.

Even though it might be a little silly, I want to try and remember my 2009 theme of GOOD and think of the good little things in life that make me happy. I'm hoping to be more mindful of these little things.

What little thing is making you happy today?

Last year around this time, I was reading this book about what Flylady calls "Body Clutter." The book really spoke to me. I realized I have a lot of body clutter. I also realized for the first time just how much my all or nothing perfectionist attitude was hurting me. I realized that I needed to try and work on the perfectionism. To learn to let go, and to learn that sometimes good enough is good enough.

Around the same time, I discovered blogs for the first time. I stumbled across Boo Mama's Tour of Homes and was immediately enthralled. I soon began to think that I wanted a blog too. I began to think that maybe I could blog about my goal of trying to curb my perfectionism. And so I began to blog.

2008 then did not turn out at all as expected. In fact, it turned out to be a pretty sucky year, one that I was very excited to see leave at midnight on December 31st. Now I will admit that buying my first home was a wonderful thing, and I also managed to graduate from grad school and finally get my teacher's license, and those are wonderful things that 2008 gave me. However, there was so much struggle in 2008 - I'm ready to stop struggling. I'm tired.

I'm not very good at resolutions. I often feel like I'm setting myself up to fail, probably because almost every year of my life I've wanted it to be the year that "I lose weight." I've struggled with my weight my whole life, and so that's always the resolution. But that isn't really a resolution. That's kind of just a demand I'm putting on myself when I look at it - one that I then tell myself that I've "failed" at. So this year I'm not going to resolve.

Last year I came across some blogs that talked about learning new skills or setting goals for the new year. I like that idea much better. I thought that this year I might actually try and make some of the recipes I tend to collect but never do anything with. I thought about setting a goal of creating one new recipe a week to take part in my friends' venture. But I am pretty sure that I won't actually do one a week, and that is again setting myself up for failure. So if I'm more honest, I think maybe I just need to try to do some at all. Maybe one a month?

I also decided that what I really need to do this year is to forgive myself more, and give myself permission to fail. I think part of why it is hard for me to try new things, (although I really do enjoy learning) is I'm afraid of failing at them. I often tell myself that if I'm not perfect at it right away, not a "natural" at it, that I shouldn't do it. So I decided this year I need to try to work on easing up on myself a little. Give myself permission to try and fail, and then try again.

I came across Ali's One Little Word concept for a new year. Basically, you pick one word to inspire you for the year. I, of course, came up with a list of several, and have had a hard time narrowing it down. Enjoy, Relax, Breathe, Simplify, Release, Median, Allow, Home, Grow, Mindful, Moment, Dare, and Focus all made my list.

I finally decided to choose Good. I thought it fit in with curbing my perfectionism - learning that sometimes good enough is good enough. Also, I want to be good to myself and take good care of myself. I want to look for the good in others and take time to enjoy the good things in life. 2008 was a sucky year, and overall I'm hoping that 2009 will be a good one. It doesn't have to be perfect, wonderful or great.

Right now, I'll just be happy with good.

Today my therapist said I'm starting to show signs of stress. Ha, you think? She said I need to really listen to my body, and that when the house stuff finally ends, I'm really going to crash. Woo Hoo. My body wants to sleep all the time right now, as I'm not sleeping really well at night and I'm just worn out from all of the stress.

The good news is that there was no school today due to Veteran's Day. It was a nice little break in the week, even though it was weird to have school for one day, and then have a day off. I'm going to be messed up for the rest of the week. :) Michelle and I took Paige to Old Navy and got her a new winter coat, hat, and mittens. She has a coat in the POD, but I'm not sure if it'll fit her at this point. She was excited because I found a red coat, and red is her favorite color. They are having a sale on their outerwear right now, so the coat was half off. That makes Paige's mom excited. :) Last year we waited until actual winter to look for gloves/mittens for her and we couldn't find any. So we wanted to make sure to get on that right away for her. She looked so cute bundled up.

Then we went to lunch at Chili's. She told me she needed to use the potty, which didn't surprise me as she's in the "I need to check out every public restroom I come across" stage, but I was excited that she actually used the potty when we got in there. Usually she just kind of visits it. We are a little behind in potty training - she totally gets it, but refuses to do it. I think it is because her life is so out of control right now. The doctor told me at her check up in June that she wasn't worried, as it is something Paige has control of when everything else is out of control. I'm hoping she'll be happy enough in a new home soon to use the potty all the time. Today she was happy enough to annouce loudly to the dining population of Chili's that she'd used the potty, so that's a start.

I liked the baked french toast. Paige took a nibble, but that's all she'd eat. She told me she liked making it better than eating it. Roland ate a piece, but I don't think he was all that excited by it. Michelle didn't really like it, but I wasn't really expecting her to, as she doesn't like eggs, and the bread had to sit in the "custard" overnight. I'm not really that versed in custard, but I guess the fact that the recipe used three eggs made it too eggy. Oh well. Roland said he thought that my grandparents would like it - probably because it had kind of a bread pudding consistancy out of the oven. I had a leftover piece this morning and liked it better today, as it had kind of set.

In parting, I ask, anyone have any good, simple stress relievers they'd like to suggest?

Well, after the 24th, we were on for a short period of time on the 31st. Then we were delayed again, but it looks like we might actually be on for this upcoming week. I am trying to be "cautiously optimistic" at this point. I would really like to be able to move before we are moving in snow!

Work has been VERY stressful, and home has been VERY stressful. I am exhausted from the emotional roller coaster I've been riding for the last few weeks.

In other news, I'm trying to learn how to make better use of my time by scheduling activities that I want to do and/or need to do. I've always been a bit resistant to calendars and scheduling systems, thinking they'd make me dull and would suck any spontaneity out of my life. However, I'm also learning more and more that the things I'd like to do "someday" will never actually get done if I don't determine when "someday" is. This week, I scheduled in time to make a recipe I've been wanting to try - baked French Toast. Paige, Michelle and I made it tonight and it sits in the refrigerator until tomorrow morning, then we'll see how it is. I like a breakfast recipe that I can make on Saturday night when I am coherent, and not have to try to figure out in the morning, when I'm not. If this works out, I might have to look for other recipes like it. Suggestions are always welcome. :)

Next thing to schedule is some time to play around with moving photos from my new camera onto the computer and sizing them, so that I can go back to posting pictures from all of my Unplugged Projects, Halloween, etc. I did much better with pictures when I could just stick the photo card in the computer and access all of my pictures. For some reason it seems much more time consuming to get the cord to hook the camera to the computer, and then to have to resize the pictures to post them here. I think maybe I just need to dedicate some time to it.

Sometimes life gets in the way of blogging.

The past few weeks have been difficult. Our closing date keeps changing. It went from the 17th to the 24th, and then we found out earlier this week that we didn't have all the paperwork we needed to be able to close on the 24th. As of this minute, I don't know when we are closing, and it is depressing me.

Meanwhile work has been very stressful over the past week or so. In my position I am have to be both an administrator, as I am considered to be "head of the program," and also the teacher. I am finding more and more that these are two different jobs and sometimes it is difficult for me to manage the program and try to function as the teacher - especially when I'm also trying to manage buying a house, being a mom, being a wife, and living my own life.

Over the last week I've had a lot of hard administrator-ish issues to deal with, and I find that sort of thing to be very trying and tiring. Add that to the emotional roller coaster of trying to get out of my inlaws and into our new house, and I'm finding I'm pretty wiped out at the end of the day. So, I think my blog posts will be sporadic for the time being. I'm still trying to squeeze in Unplugged Projects and fun things like that, but I don't always get the chance to blog about them. I hope I can find more balance soon!

Sometimes it seems very hard to work, raise a child, and take care of a blog. To top it all off, we are (finally) in the process of buying a house, and some days over the last week or so, it's seemed like I have several full time jobs.

I do the Unplugged Project every week, but I've had a hard time getting around to posting about them. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up and post HARD and FRUIT soon. I know, dear reader, that you are dying with curiousity about what Paige and I were up to for these projects. LOL

To top it all off, I've got a new camera, which I love. Although that part is great, it is hard because now instead of a memory card, I have to hook the camera to the computer to upload (or download?) the pictures onto the computer. Then, because the photos are really big, I have to size them before I put them on my blog. Lately it seems I haven't had the time to do all of this photo stuff in a timely manner.

Over the past few weeks I've read several blog posts about how to get more readers to your blog. They suggest reliable posting, for one. I don't know when I can ever promise that! They also suggest that your blog have a specific purpose. For example, you wouldn't expect car repair tips on a craft blog. I realize that I'm not sure that my blog has a specific purpose. I started it when I began to realize that perfectionism was ruling my life, but I know that that's not all I blog about, when I find the time to blog.

So anyway, just thought I'd let you know that I'm still out here, your totally unreliable, randomly posting, time-challenged, lazy photo uploading, blogger. Thanks for checking in on me.

Tonight was good.

No elaborate plans tonight or anything, but the evening made me happy nonetheless.

Roland made dinner (he's the cook in our home) and we gathered around the table to eat. This isn't a habit we had at our old house, and I've really enjoyed our dinners together, for the most part. Paige often complains about sitting and doesn't eat, but tonight she slurped up her "yummy noodles" (aka Ramaan Pride) and was pleasant.

After dinner, we cleaned up the table, and all of us, Momma, Daddy, Paige-Girlie, and Aunt Michelle worked on our Unplugged Project. I really enjoyed having a family project.

Then I gave Paige a bath and we used out this new cup thing that Michelle bought to help keep the soapy water out of her eyes. It worked wonderfully and it is the first bath in a long time with out screaming and/or tears about soap in her eyes.

Then she got in her Ariel jammies, watched Charlie and Lola and ate goldfish while I combed her hair.

Sometimes simple is so good.

Sometimes simple makes me smile.

Well, this post is a few posts late, but I started it and kept it in draft, adding to it here and there for a week or so! I'm not sure how interesting it is, but here's my list of 100 Things About Me.

1. I was born in Burlington, VT, but I grew up on Cape Cod, MA.
2. I am a big sister to one younger brother.
3. I was the third generation to graduate from my high school. My mom and grandmother graduated from the same school, although it was a different building when my grandmother went there.
4. I do not like hot dogs.
5. I do not like potato chips, although I will eat them with onion dip, which I do like.
6. I don't really like pie, because I don't like crust. I do like most pies that are made in a graham cracker crust, though.
7. I met my husband on AOL. My best friend, Michelle, "saw" him in a chat room and thought I'd like him, so she talked to him a bit. At the time we used to "talk" to all the same people online.
8. My favorite place to be is at the ocean. I always have this sense of "coming home" when I'm at the ocean. It is very relaxing and peaceful to me.
9. I love to swim - in the ocean, in a lake, in a pool, whatever.
10. I took swimming lessons as a kid and there was a picture of me during a swimming lesson in the paper. I think my family still has a cut out of it somewhere.
11. However, one of my biggest fears is drowning - or dying in any way that involves not being able to breathe.
12. I was a girl scout for many years - up through 8th grade.
13. I had braces for several years.
14. I am afraid of spiders, even though I know it isn't logical. They just creep me out.
15. My friend Michelle and I have been friends since we were in high school - 17 years ago.
16. My favorite color is blue, although as a kid I would say my favorite color was gold just to be different from everyone else.
17. I HATE the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.
18. I love office supplies. I like to browse stores like Staples.
19. I used to think that since I like office supplies, I'd like working in an office.
20. I didn't. I worked for seven years doing data entry for a health insurance company, and I hated it.
21. I LOVE working in an elementary school. I love school assemblies, book fairs, and things like that.
22. I love to read out loud.
23. I love calendars - I enjoy picking out new calendars, and love turning the pages each month.
24. I've had a problem with car sickness since I was pregnant with Paige.
25. I don't drink coffee - I've never liked it.
26. The summer before my senior year of college I was in a bad car accident and my car was totaled. I was told that the seat belt saved my life.
27. I always wear my seat belt and am a seat belt advocate.
28. I have no tolerance for drunk drivers. Roland was hit by a drunk driver when he was a teenager, and to make a long story short, his left arm is paralyzed and he's lucky to be alive.
29. I once saw Jack Wagner in concert.
30. I went to middle school in the 80's, but I was very into 60's music and culture at the time.
31. I used to love the Monkees and recorded every episode.
32. I remember being made fun of for wearing my Mom's peace symbol earrings to school.
33. I could never tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi until I met Roland, who had strong preferences!
34. Now I'm a Coca-Cola girl. :)
35. I found my engagement ring in the refrigerator tied to a bottle of Coke.
36. Dolphins are my favorite animal.
37. My wedding ring is a dolphin - it is made out of a dolphin charm.
38. My main requirement for our honeymoon was that I got to swim with the dolphins.
39. I got to be in the water with the dolphins in Mexico, and then swim with them in the Florida Keys.
40. I drove (well, actually rode) across the country from Boston, MA - San Diego, CA with Michelle's mother in a week.
41 I want to drive cross country again - I'd love to do it sometime when I can take as long as I want and stop wherever I want.
42. I dream of going to Hawaii and Australia.
43. I love to travel.
44. I have gone on two cruises. One with Michelle, and one with Roland on our honeymoon.
45. I learned to type in typing class in high school - on an electric typewriter, even.
46. People get annoyed with me because I can type one thing while looking at someone and having a conversation with them about something completly different.
47. One of my favorite TV shows is Friends. I have all of the seasons on DVD.
48. I have been compared to Chandler Bing more than once.
49. We took the Friends season where Rachel was giving birth to the hospital with us when I was having Paige, to play on the laptop. We thought that since the show always makes me laugh, it might distract me from being in pain/uncomfortable.
50. I have always loved to read.
51. As a kid, I used to spend a lot of time in the library during the summer. I used to enter contests to see who would read the most books, and I remember winning at least once.
52. Summer is probably my least favorite season because I hate heat and humidity.
53. Ironically, I have seasonal affective disorder. I hate daylight savings time because I miss the sun.
54. Fall is my favorite season.
55. October is my favorite month.
56. I love the smell of sunscreen.
57. I dehydrate very easily, and often.
58. My wallet has Tigger on it.
59. I've had the wallet longer than I've had Roland.
60. Roland and I have been together for 11 years.
61. Roland and I just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary on September 7th.
62. I have a cat named Fidget.
63. For my undergraduate degree I went to a small college in New Hampshire that since has closed.
64. I double majored in English and Communications.
65. I interned at a radio station in NH.
66. I got into a car accident in Boston while driving the radio station's van. I had to call them and have them send a tow truck and bring me back to NH.
67. When I was in college, I had a radio show with a friend.
68. I have always wanted to be a stand up comedian, but am too scared to try.
69. When I was in college, I used to read my poetry at a coffee house some weeks.
70. I was the copy editor of the college newspaper for awhile.
71. I love to read and collect recipes, but I rarely try to cook anything.
72. I scrapbook.
73. I like to do yoga. I mostly enjoy the yoga class at my gym, but I have a hard time motivating myself to go.
74. I often have months that I pay for my gym membership but have not been to the actual gym once.
75. I like to do suduko puzzles.
76. I have been a bridesmaid at a wedding at Walt Disney World.
77. I have never been very good with math, and math and money easily cause me anxiety.
78. I love learning about different religions and cultures.
79. I love the show, The Amazing Race. I wish I could travel around the world.
80. I have sprained both of my ankles before.
81. I fell down the stairs at my mother's house and sprained them both at the same time. We speculate that one may actually have been broken, although I never went to the doctor. As a result, my right ankle bothers me sometimes.
82. I didn't get the chicken pox until I was in middle school.
83. I didn't get my driver's license until I was a freshman in college.
84. I used to do a lot more writing. Growing up, I wanted to be an author. I haven't written anything in a long time, and I miss it, although I've had a hard time coming up with something (other than blogging) to write.
85. I take my showers at night, before bed.
86. Roland and Michelle tease me about how fast I shower, which is ironic, because I used to have a college roommate who would give me a hard time about how long I was in the shower.
87. Christmas is my favorite holiday, although Halloween is a close second.
88. I think my favorite thing about Christmas is the Christmas tree.
89. I am a pack rat, although we got rid of lots of stuff when we had to put our stuff in storage. I am trying hard to learn not to keep every little thing.
90. I have what I consider to be "OCD Tendencies." Sometimes I'll have to check and recheck things, sometimes several times in a row, like if I turned off a light, or turned off the stove.
91. Weird, quirky things happen to me. Roland and Michelle call it the "Only You Factor."
92. My first job was working at a movie theater.
93. I like video games, although I don't often have time for them - I have played almost all of the Spyro the Dragon games. I even have a stuffed Spyro.
94. I love the Scholastic catalog. One of my favorite things about becoming a teacher was being able to order books through Scholastic. I send the fliers home, but often I'm the only one who buys books every month.
95. I have just started Eclipse, the third book in Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series.
96. I tend to be great at brainstorming and coming up with ideas for things, but I'm not always great at following through.
97. I have had migraines (and headaches of other varieties) as long as I can remember. I remember having them in elementary school.
98. I have a Happy Bunny watch and sweatshirt that says, "Cute But Psycho. Things Even Out. (When I was pregnant with Paige, I bought her a onsie at Hot Topic that said, "Cute But Stinky. Things Even Out.") I use cute but psycho to describe myself a lot. Roland usually calls me a "Cute Butt Psycho." I was wearing this watch every day up until we moved to my in laws...I think the watch must have ended up in the POD.
99. The watch I'm using right now has Jack from Nightmare Before Christmas on it, and has a couple of little skulls that move around inside it. Nightmare is one of my favorite movies.
100. I hate moving.

Sometimes the longer you stay away, the harder it is to come back. You aren't sure what to say about where you've been, so you just keep quiet. But then the longer you are quiet, the harder it becomes to figure out what to say, and you start thinking you'll have to have some sort of exciting post about what you've been up to all of this time. I have nothing really exciting to say other than I'm still out here.

Around the time of my last post, we had some computer trouble, were on a trip to visit my family, and I got a summer cold. That was the initial reason for being away for a bit. Then I was almost done with summer camp, and concentrated on that. Then, the week after summer camp ended, all of my inlaws went away to Disney for a week, and I had a 3 year old who was wondering where "vacation" was and why they all went without her. We tried to do some fun things with her, but we also enjoyed having the house to ourselves and it was hard to go back when they came home.

Paige and I have been doing the Unplugged Projects every week, but I've been very frustrated when I try to take pictures of our activities. I have a hard time getting a decent photo. I know I'm not the best photographer in the world, but it seems like every one I take you wouldn't be able to see what was going on in the picture. Then I started to wonder if I should bother posting about our activities when you couldn't see anything. I have been reading about how "good blogs" all have pictures, and I know I like it when blogs have pictures, so I guess I convinced myself that if I couldn't post a good picture, I shouldn't bother. Roland thinks that the problem is half that I need more practice taking pictures and half that I need a better camera. So I think I'm going to treat myself to a new camera - any suggestions?

The housing situation isn't much better, and we've all gotten a bit burned out. Due to an increase in salary from getting my Master's degree this spring, I was able to get preapproved for a mortgage again, but we weren't approved for the place we were interested in because it was a town house. We found another house we liked but it had multiple bids and we didn't get it. That one hit me pretty hard - Paige had gone with us to see the place and had picked out her room. We've seen two more that we were interested in, but both had multiple bids, and we just can't win a bidding war. I'm just so done with this.

I have spent a lot of this week setting up my classroom and attending meetings and whatnot. School for teachers starts on Tuesday, and then the kids come back on Wed the 3rd. I feel bad because I'm feeling very burnt out and the year hasn't even started yet.

I guess that's where I've been most of the last month - in burn out. I love reading and commenting on everyone's blogs, but often feel like I've got nothing great going on here to post about. Guess I've been a bit in pity party mode! I have to keep reminding myself that I'm blogging for me. I love comments and having you all visit, but that I should be writing for me, and not to put so much pressure on myself about what I write and what my pictures look like, etc. I am so good at getting stressed out about things that are supposed to be fun! So, in an attempt to deal with burn out, I'm trying to learn to relax and just let go of what I can't control. I'm a bit of a control freak, so this is going to be hard. :)

Nice to "see" you all again!

Yesterday was the day that we were originally supposed to be out of our house and we are not. We sent the landlord a letter that said we wouldn't be out by the 15th, and life has been fairly miserable since. The landlords are husband and wife, and one or the other or both have been calling or showing up at our house, harassing us about getting out of the house. They are telling us that if we aren't out by May 27th, their sale is going to go through. Now we are really thinking, "so what do we care?" and we could push it and stay here, but we aren't sure if it is worth them making our life miserable. It has been very stressful, especially for Michelle, since she is disabled and home during the day when they are calling and/or coming over.

So, we are going to rent a POD, and are moving for what will hopefully be only a couple of weeks into my sister-in-law's house. She owns a three family, and the third floor is currently unoccupied. Roland's mother lives on the second floor, and Paige has a room that she uses when she sleeps over, so the plan is that she will sleep there, and Roland, Michelle, and I will be camping out upstairs.

The problem with the place that we put our bid in on is that it is a short sale. This has been one of my new vocabulary terms since all this began. For an online definition of a short sale click here.

Basically, it means that the property was about to go into foreclosure, but the bank could accept our bid on it instead of going through the foreclosure process. However, it makes the whole process longer, because we need to wait for third party approval by the bank. The bank has had our bid for over three weeks and had not assigned anyone to look at our proposal yet. We were told at one point it could be at least 30 days before anyone even looked at our bid. So we are closing in on the 30 day mark, and hopefully once they look at it they'll accept it and the ball will be rolling again, but it doesn't seem that it could all possibly work in time for us to be out of where we are now in time. So, we will hopefully only be displaced for a short period of time.

This whole process has been very stressful, and although I hate the idea that we are being bullied out of where we are, it isn't worth the stress to stay. A month's worth of rent at my sister-in-law's and the price of the POD for a month roughly equal what we pay in rent to stay here and be harassed for another month. So, it seemed to make sense to throw in the towel and get out.

So now I get to spend the next week and a half or so packing and trying to get all of my stuff into the POD, and trying to figure out what I'll need to camp out for an unknown length of time in a tiny third floor apartment. Maybe we can make s'mores up there or something while we are camping out.